Happy National Chocolate Covered Peanuts Day! (2/25)

It’s the saddest thing for the English language when a good word goes bad, and this being National Chocolate Covered Peanuts Day, I have to ask why would anyone use such an amazing and delicious movie theater snickity-snack to describe a doofus? As if doofus wasn’t a good enough word for that purpose.  It just happens that way, I suppose.  Certain words just go South, and once they do, there’s just no recovering them. 

... and 5 grams of protein ta boot? Whhhaaat?

If you look up “Goober” online, you’ll find that many of the internet’s clickety-clackers have tried to come up with a root to explain the word, and have been regurgitating each others’ information about the etymology, many citing that it comes from “gaub” which is a silly Scottish dance, or “gob,” another word for nose, the whole while completely ignoring the fact that “goober” is already an African word for peanut that dates back to the early 1800’s.  A peanut does, after all, look pretty silly, so to call someone one just works.  And, there ya go!  If actual etymologists don’t go any deeper into the word, why do all these other nards try?  I mean, no one’s trying to break down the word banana to figure out why it’s used to describe someone as crazy, or even the word nuts for that matter.

Now for the fun!  For an event such as National Chocolate Covered Peanuts Day, we’ve got to consider the various sources of the snack.  There are so many candy companies coating their peanuts with chocolates, who can say which one is best?  Or perhaps a more interesting question would be, how would one determine which is the the best?  The answer of course is a blind taste test.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the chocolate covered peanut blind taste test!  One of the cups was filled with the tried and true Goobers, in a second was placed Walgreens generic 69 cent bag of chocolate covered peanuts, a third had Russel Stover’s sugar free chocolate covered peanuts, and in a fourth cup, your standard fancy $9.99 per pound candy store variety.

The very scientific results were shocking!  Grown ups liked the fancy ones and the seven year old preferred Goobers. Well, there was meant to be a lot more suspense and intrigue written into that, but I really lost interest quick, so I can’t imagine how little you were still retaining.

Ok, now that this food day is over, I am putting all this mess in a baggie, I am bringing it to work, and I am dumping it into the receptionist’s candy jar.  These little jerks are nothing I need hanging around the house.  Not to mention there is still an entire pink jack-o-lantern full of candy on top of the refrigerator in the pantry.  Good lord, and Easter is right there around the corner.  WHEN DOES IT END?

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About Jim Clark

"If it was worth doing, then it is worth writing!" -- Jim Clark -- Someone else probably said that before, and I'm sure that each semester she starts her Creative Writing 101 class by writing it on the board, but I never took that lady's class so I am taking her quote! I work in the world of advertising, but I write for a living. Here in the second decade of the '00s, we find ourselves in a culture where virtually everyone writes for a living. With all the clicking and clacking on Facebook, Twitter, emails and texts, our lives are more than ever intertwined with writing. At the same time, it's also become increasingly more important to shorten our thoughts down to as few characters as possible. So, now, more than ever, I think it's also important to hold a place in our lives for expanding and honing our thoughts through writing. This is my place for that.
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