To Torte or Not to Torte Today

It Shouldn't Have Gone Down Like This

It Shouldn't Have Gone Down Like This

National Coconut Torte Day was a very long day. Last night was the evening after the big “Spring Forward” time change. You should always go to bed early that first Monday, like when you’re countering jetlag. Instead, I decided to stay up way past my bed time for absolutely no good reason. That being said, coming up with how I was going to get my hands on a coconut torte today was pretty far down on my motivation list. In fact, figuring out what a torte is in the first place, wasn’t even half way up on the list.

It turns out a torte is a multi-layered cake except with a bunch of other random, ambiguous criteria. My education on tortes was received from sifting through an unbelievable amount of quibbling over many online forums. The general consensus is that a torte is specifically more layered and grand than ordinary cakes. Some are insistent that it is not a torte unless it has nuts, but I’m working with coconut, so that’s no big deal. Others were grumpy that it should never be made with flour, but that was highly contested. One guy was convinced that it wasn’t a torte unless you ate it under a parasol! I didn’t really find that guy, but he’s out there. I’m sure of it.

So, as I began to get a clearer picture of what a torte is, National Coconut Torte Day started giving me a familiar sinking feeling. It was the same sinking feeling that I felt on National Molasses Bar Day when I began to realize that I was not going to find these things premade anywhere.

I called around, but it was no use. Man, I do not like baking! You’ve seen my baking, I’m really not even good at it. That fact coupled with the way I felt today, and the amount of time it looked like a “from scratch” torte would take, there really were only two viable options available. I could either embellish today’s entry, or cheat. Well, not cheat per se, more like put forth a “half-ass” effort.

Here’s how I see things: On National Poundcake Day, I learned that a poundcake is just a regular white cake, but made with equal proportions and four times yummier. So, if I was going to have to create a torte, I’d be branding myself a major hypocrite if I did not make it from a poundcake. And if the major difference between a cake and a torte is that it is thinly layered four or more times over, well that just doesn’t seem so hard, and who says the layers have to start as separate pieces?

The Pound Cake HoagieThe short of it is, tortes are really easy to make! Buy a pound cake, slice it horizontally into four parts, spread chocolate pudding and coconut in, then close them all up like a Big Mac! I added a makeshift icing to the top, a concoction of Cool Whip and more coconut.

“How was it,” you ask? It’s a giant pound cake and pudding hoagie, how do you think it was? Happy National Coconut Torte Day everyone!

See you Wednesday for National Potato Chip Day.


About Jim Clark

"If it was worth doing, then it is worth writing!" -- Jim Clark -- Someone else probably said that before, and I'm sure that each semester she starts her Creative Writing 101 class by writing it on the board, but I never took that lady's class so I am taking her quote! I work in the world of advertising, but I write for a living. Here in the second decade of the '00s, we find ourselves in a culture where virtually everyone writes for a living. With all the clicking and clacking on Facebook, Twitter, emails and texts, our lives are more than ever intertwined with writing. At the same time, it's also become increasingly more important to shorten our thoughts down to as few characters as possible. So, now, more than ever, I think it's also important to hold a place in our lives for expanding and honing our thoughts through writing. This is my place for that.
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