Grapes are amazing! Of course we’re all a little racist when it comes to them, but regardless of whether you prefer the darkies or the whities, they’re all incredibly bulbous, shiny, juicy, and fantastic. So, it must have been a pretty severe time of drought and sorrow for whoever that guy was who dried them all out of all their deliciousness in order to stick them in a box.
Children all seem to all go through a phase where they appear to delight in raisins, so much so that at one time adults actually offered them into their presented Halloween bags, without a thought of a returned splattered egg or combustible bag of poo. When it came time for the night’s harvest, however, it became expressly obvious that any affinity that had previously been feigned for the brown, wrinkly little boogerish things, was truly just a ruse, and that eating raisins was not so much a delight as it was a necessity for the purpose of squelching the child’s brief hunger with whatever sustenance was immediately available.
It only makes sense that after decades of kids tossing Halloween raisins aside for other amazing chocolate covered delights, someone should try covering raisins with chocolate so as to offer a rival to its Halloween competition.
The most famous result of this hypothetical innovator was Raisinetes, by Nestle. Still, to this day I’m not entirely certain who’s buying these things. If movie theaters had boxes of Raisinetes for $3 per box and clusters of grapes for $3.50 right next to them, I ‘d still take the grapes. The actual snack bar scenario is even more nuts because what’s almost always sitting next to the Raisinetes are boxes of Goobers. Who in their right mind…
Still, today is National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day, so I went ahead and did the taste test: Bach’s, versus Raisinetes, versus grocery store generics. It was kind of a waste of purchase because Nestle now makes a dark chocolate Raisinete, that I just happened to buy. Dark chocolate is just flat-out better than regular old milk chocolate, so Nestle won absolutely.
I would love to hear from anyone who buys chocolate covered raisins over the other chocolaty choices that lie right there in front of you. Who is buying them? Never the guy in front of me. Could the entire chocolate covered raisin industry be some kind of money laundering scheme? I mean, Lord knows that the Sun-maid girl has gotten a lot better looking over the years, obviously had some work done, so raisins are making their budget somehow, but I’d love to know what demographic those dollars are coming out of.
I’ll see you Sunday for National Lobster Newberg Day.