Chicken Cordon Does Anything But Blow

National Cordon Bleu Day is today. Why would a dish so awesome and manly be given such a frilly little name? Of course, to be fair, if you were to order a chicken cordon bleu in France, your waiter would hear you ask for a chicken blue ribbon, which I guess is a little better, like it’s the first prize entrée in the joint, but if I’m stuffing a chicken breast with cheese and ham, I want to call it something tough, like a “Monster Truck Chunked Chicken Boob.” That’s a serious combination of protein in there!

Pulling off today’s entrée was a little bit more tricky than usual because tonight was also Tae Kwon Do night for my daughter at 6:30.  To pull off anything cordon bleu for dinner, I’d be looking at a 9-9:30PM dinner time, and that just wouldn’t do. I actually had a thought that maybe today was National Cordon Bleu Day, as in the super pretentious culinary college that has a campus in every nation except this schluppy old U.S. of A.  If that was the case, I would have had to call around trying to find somewhere with a chef who had been trained at Le Cordon Bleu. Le Cordon Bleu didn’t answer their phone, though, and I can’t imagine them endorsing a bunch of common Americans celebrating anything resembling an affiliation with their institute anyway.

Chicken Cordon KA-BLEUEY

Instead I made chicken cordon bleu for lunch.  I had to meet the bug guy there anyway.  It wasn’t just a cordon blue, though.  This bad boy was wrapped with bacon.  If you’re going to stuff something with ham, you really might as well slap bacon into the frame.  It was devastating!  I call it, a “Chicken Cordon KA-BLEUEY!”

The bug guys were pretty impressed.  They walked in to the smell of chicken, bacon and ham and here I am pulling this thing out of the oven. Come to think of it, they probably charged 15% more than the standard rate because I looked like some fancy boy.  Dammit!  I must have looked like the biggest snob.  Oh well.

I think it helped my case that I told them it was only $4.50 at the pre-made counter at Publix.  Le Cordon Bleu in Paris would turn their noses up in disgust I’m sure, but I think with these guys I retained a little bit of my down to earth status.

I should mention that you can indeed “cordon bleu” any meat, just so long as you roll ham and cheese up in the middle.  Most popular alternatives are beef (especially veal) and pork, but I guess fish would work.  Grouper cordon bleu?  I really don’t see why not.  Have you seen the combinations that they’re calling sushi these days?  Come to think of it, I’d order a tuna cordon bleu roll off of a sushi menu faster than you could say merci arigato.

See you Thursday for National Raisin & Spice Bar Day. 

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About Jim Clark

"If it was worth doing, then it is worth writing!" -- Jim Clark -- Someone else probably said that before, and I'm sure that each semester she starts her Creative Writing 101 class by writing it on the board, but I never took that lady's class so I am taking her quote! I work in the world of advertising, but I write for a living. Here in the second decade of the '00s, we find ourselves in a culture where virtually everyone writes for a living. With all the clicking and clacking on Facebook, Twitter, emails and texts, our lives are more than ever intertwined with writing. At the same time, it's also become increasingly more important to shorten our thoughts down to as few characters as possible. So, now, more than ever, I think it's also important to hold a place in our lives for expanding and honing our thoughts through writing. This is my place for that.
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