Eggs Benedict, a Nice Light Breakfast

Want to get your day going just right today on National Eggs Benedict Day?  Then, please have a bowl of oatmeal and do not go anywhere near Eggs Benedict!  Everytime the memory of breakfast from this morning resurfaces, I just want to curl up and take a nap next to the toilet.  Let’s ignore the fact that the breakfast you’re looking at above these words is a full 1290 calories. Eggs Benedict is also thick and congealed and oozy!

Starting with an egg, then adding another egg yolk, ham, bread and butter, it’s no wonder it calls for vinegar and lemon juice as well. Lord knows your stomach acids aren’t going to be able to break down all that gook on their own!

Please understand, I did not make this.  I’ve never been a fan of Eggs Benedict in the past, I don’t know how to poach eggs, I don’t own a double boiler, and I really didn’t want to spend thirty minutes making a breakfast that would make me feel like this.

Sitting here feeling the sickly contents coating my belly, I guessed that the dish must be named for Benedict Arnold, often carrying the title “America’s number one traitor.”  It turns out that is not the case. A New York Times story reported that a Washington Post story reported it was created by a man named Lemuel Benedict at the Waldorf Astoria in 1894, as a cure for his hangover.  It’s an interesting articles, and worth a skim, but in the end, like almost all food history, there is so much vagueness on the matter that no one can really know its origins.

The origins of today’s National Eggs Benedict Day are shrouded in even less fact. Not even the National Egg Board, that proudly claims all of next month for the egg, shrugged their shoulders at the actual who or what that might have decided to make today something to do with the stuff.  The had heard of it, though.

Getting back to things, the Eggs Benedict pictured was from Village Inn.  Now, don’t start with me fancy food people!  I know you get what you paid for.  Believe me, I’m paying for it!

As a footnote to this morning’s story, it started pretty rough, to say the least, beginning with $6,000 in checks to various servicemen and governmental entities. So, as I sat drinking terrible coffee and nibbling on this breakfast, the waitress asked the question that’s never meant to be answered in earnest, “Everything alright?”  I told her about my money hemorrhaging complaint, and she replied sweetly, “Just don’t think about it!  Imagine yourself on a tropical island somewhere.”

My Village Inn Bill

Afterward, as she handed me my check, she said, “Here you go.  Hopefully this makes you feel a little better.”  Thinking she was being sarcastic, and a little mean, I looked down at the bill and was surprised to find that it did.   That’s why after dropping $6,000 today, I had no problems spending ten more for the tip on my eleven dollar Village Inn bill.  Thank you Jamie for being a little bit of Alka Seltzer on my National Eggs Benedict Day!

See you Tuesday for Baked Ham With Pineapple Day (mmph!).

About Jim Clark

"If it was worth doing, then it is worth writing!" -- Jim Clark -- Someone else probably said that before, and I'm sure that each semester she starts her Creative Writing 101 class by writing it on the board, but I never took that lady's class so I am taking her quote! I work in the world of advertising, but I write for a living. Here in the second decade of the '00s, we find ourselves in a culture where virtually everyone writes for a living. With all the clicking and clacking on Facebook, Twitter, emails and texts, our lives are more than ever intertwined with writing. At the same time, it's also become increasingly more important to shorten our thoughts down to as few characters as possible. So, now, more than ever, I think it's also important to hold a place in our lives for expanding and honing our thoughts through writing. This is my place for that.
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