As American As May 13th!

Apples pie is a queer thing, isn’t it?  Right at the outset of the name, it sounds so simple.  Even the ingredients for most apple pies are listed as simple: sugar, butter and apples. But when this pie comes out of the oven, the apples in there suddenly don’t just taste like apples anymore.  They taste like… well, it tastes like apple cider!

This got me to wondering, what the hell is going on there? Someone has to be lying. People are either throwing spices into their apple pie to make it taste like cider, or people are throwing spices in cider to make it taste like apple pie. Or both, because when I taste either one, I know I’m  tasting cinnamon, and… is it allspice maybe? So, tonight I began searching this very topic, and what I found was almost too amazing to be considered food trivia!  Apple cider is just made of apples!  Sure, it’s a blend of spices, but the spices come simply from a variance of apples used to create that spiced and sweet blend we absolutely know the second we taste it.

Now, how baking a single kind of apple creates the same flavor as sqashing a bunch of different kinds of apples, I still just don’t know at all, but I suppose knowing a little helps me to… NO!  What is that about?  I don’t understand how these two things taste the same!  Am I the only one whose tongue tells them this?

In the scheme of apple pies, I could have made one I suppose, but today I had to fix a vacuum cleaner, two aquarium filters, a clothing washer, a clothing dryer, and on top of all that the extension I’m having built onto my house has had a roof installed on it that, when it rains, was intended to divert the water for a third shower that pours heavily into the doorway between my living room and the new hallway.  Yay!  Go green!

Fortunately for me, I planned ahead for National Apple Pie day, and yesterday bought a… are you ready for this mess?  I bought an “apple caramel walnut pie!”  Whaaaaaaat? I mean, that’s a major “Yo, mama!” pie! And I’m just going to go ahead and say it. This thing was dirty.  Just plain naughty!  A little bit of Cool Whip on top and it quite simply kicked my butt like it was a full-fledged cheese cake.  Of course, I’ve been on a bit of a diet, low carb and all that, so a pack of saltines might have tasted like a box of Oreos to me, but I can tell you that Fresh Market bakery does make some good apple pie.

On a side note, the saying goes “as American as apple pie” because some of the first historical documentation of apple pie was from letters written about it by American colonists.  This means that apple pie, albeit perhaps not invented by Americans, was certainly something that people didn’t make a “yummy” sound about till the old U.S. got hold of it. So, although I still don’t approve of fruit desserts, I do stamp a rare waiver on apple pie.  Happy National Apple Pie Day everyone!

See you Monday for National Buttermilk Biscuit Day!

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About Jim Clark

"If it was worth doing, then it is worth writing!" -- Jim Clark -- Someone else probably said that before, and I'm sure that each semester she starts her Creative Writing 101 class by writing it on the board, but I never took that lady's class so I am taking her quote! I work in the world of advertising, but I write for a living. Here in the second decade of the '00s, we find ourselves in a culture where virtually everyone writes for a living. With all the clicking and clacking on Facebook, Twitter, emails and texts, our lives are more than ever intertwined with writing. At the same time, it's also become increasingly more important to shorten our thoughts down to as few characters as possible. So, now, more than ever, I think it's also important to hold a place in our lives for expanding and honing our thoughts through writing. This is my place for that.
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