Happy National Watermellon Day! (8/3)

Alright, full disclosure! This guy grew up in the ’80s. This means that I grew up in a time when cartoons were shown at no other time than exclusively on Saturday mornings, and the FCC laws were so strict that we actually learned stuff in between cartoon time periods from cartoon shorts called “School House Rock.” The truth of the matter is, sometimes it feels like I learned more math, english, history and science from those three minute shorts that aired once a week in between my Smurfs and Bugs Bunny cartoon hours, than I learned in all five years of elementary school. Full disclosure? I still know the entire Preamble of the Constitution. Guess which grade taught me that. If you said “None of them,” you’d be right! I learned it from School House Rock.

One of the historical concepts that was taught on “School House Rock” was, Without mother neccessity where would we be? The point of that particular short was that life hands us challenges, and as a race of humans, or more directly to the point, as a country of Americans, we try to solve them. Examples given were the invention of the airplane, the cotton gin and the sewing machine.

Yep. Mother Neccissity! She’s a constant of time who does not rest. Proof positive is that a decade after the School House Rock cartoon shorts vanished from the air waves, she kept on. Another major innovation surfaced out of absolute neccessity. It was the seedless watermellon. I hope you’re picking up my ire here, because it should be coming across pretty thick by now. I mean, our sweet mother neccessity of invention previously had given us machines that gave us flight and space travel. She gave us the automobile and penicillian. And of course, she gave us that incredibly neccessary seedless wattermellon.

Alright, enough of my passive aggressive typing, I’m really upset about these stupid things! Seedless wattermellon, really? Why do we need them to be seedless? Bite, munch, munch, munch, chew annnnd spit! Bite, munch, munch, munch chew annnnd spit! How hard is that? Yet, you can’t find wattermellon with seeds in the grocery store anymore because we had to have the seeds gone. Yep! Mother freakin’ neccesity!

 

There may have only been two seeds in the whole watermellon, but we spit the HELL out of those two things!

Is this weird? I hope not. Jeesh, I’m sorry!  See, where I live, farm folk sell watermellon out of vacant lots and abandoned gas station fronts, and even some of the ones I buy from those guys are starting to come up seedless. The season is about a month ago now, but, for me watermellon has always equated to outdoor eating and watermellon seed spitting fights. I do understand that I am stepping way out on a limb by revealing this, but what I also know is that when I told my daughter tonight that she was allowed to spit the seeds from her watermellon at me, I could see that same fantastic glint of “Holy what? This is awesome!”emotion that I felt whenever I used to receive a slice of watermellon as a kid.

I guess my point is, you don’t want to work for your watery fruit? Eat a pineapple. Wattermellon? They be for  spittin’ seeds! … well, and for dumping a bunch of vodka in.

See you Saturday for National Chocolate Chip Day!

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About Jim Clark

"If it was worth doing, then it is worth writing!" -- Jim Clark -- Someone else probably said that before, and I'm sure that each semester she starts her Creative Writing 101 class by writing it on the board, but I never took that lady's class so I am taking her quote! I work in the world of advertising, but I write for a living. Here in the second decade of the '00s, we find ourselves in a culture where virtually everyone writes for a living. With all the clicking and clacking on Facebook, Twitter, emails and texts, our lives are more than ever intertwined with writing. At the same time, it's also become increasingly more important to shorten our thoughts down to as few characters as possible. So, now, more than ever, I think it's also important to hold a place in our lives for expanding and honing our thoughts through writing. This is my place for that.
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