Artificial cherry flavored candy is an incredible innovation of modern man. Although it tastes nothing like actual cherries, it is a hands down, absolute, universal favorite. It doesn’t matter whether you’re talking about lifesavers, Blow Pops, Pez or Popsicles, the first color to completely disappear from the pack is always going to be cherry. There are many who will declare that artificial cherry flavoring is absolutely gross, but I am of the camp (mainly comprised of 6-12 year olds) who believe that artificial cherry flavor is one of the rare things, in this world, on which man has actually improved the upon original.
Of course, all artificial cherry flavors being equal, it’s a lot smarter to go with a Lifesaver than a Popsicle. Sucking on a few Lifesavers can give you three times as long enjoyment as just one Popsicle, but you’re talking only 10 calories per cherry Lifesaver verses over 200 calories per Popsicle. Of course, on the other hand, one Popsicle is extremely refreshing, while just two Lifesavers can drive a person to the nearest 16-ounce beverage.
It’s funny, it never occurred to me until National Creamcicle Day that a Popsicle is a trademarked name and not a generic term. I suppose it’s not something most kids notice, and by the time I was old enough to notice, I had moved onto bigger and better ice cream sandwiches, frozen chocolate eclairs, and Klondike Bars. Of course, frozen liquid on a stick was not originated by a 20th Century ice cream distributor, and if I thought it possible to find a legitimate origin story of the first ancient Chinese or Druid discoverer who left his green tea or sweetened lamb’s liver casing (I’m just guessing at what Druids used to eat on the go), I would gladly devote a little time. I find, however, that these kinds of food histories all sound about the same when you read up on them online: “The exact origin of this food is unknown, however…” blah, blah, blah. The internet certainl doesn’t need another lazy dude rephrasing someone else’s vague entry from some other place and time, so for the purposes of National Popsicle Day, we’re going to operate from a false assumption that the treat began in 1989 when Good Humor bought the rights to carry the trademark.
Of course, Popsicle’s genius doesn’t just stop at registering a trademark on freezing artificially flavored and colored syrup on a stick. No, sir! They are also the amazing marketing whizzes who thought of the brilliant concept of including, with each frozen delight, a strong witted joke right there on the stick! The trick, however, is that you have to eat the dessert in order to find out the punchline. Oh, and they are hilarious! “We’re talking gems like, “Why did the tree stay home from school?” ANSWER: IT WAS A SICK-A-MORE TREE!
So, here’s a riddle for you: What National holiday can tickle your taste buds at the same time as your funny bone? You got that straight, cowboy! Happy National Cherry Popsicle Day!
See you Monday for National Pots de Creme Day.