Happy National Milk Shake Day (9/14)

In this land that is constantly replenishing its supply of new seasonal milk shakes, there really is no lack of options for the glutton wanting to pop off for a quick and richly flavored calorie boost. The calorie content of fast food milk shakes ranges from the 300’s, as is the case with McDonald’s small-medium shakes, all the way to a large White Castle shake that contains a harmless 1,680 calories. And really, is anything better to help push you through the rest of your busy work day, than a nice 1,000+ calorie milk and sugar goosh right into the digestive tract? Doubtful.

Milk shakes are typically made for us and not by us. We don’t traditionally here about the husband sitting around on the couch after a big day at work and asking the little Misses to “Mix up a refreshing chocolate milk shake for me, dear. Would ya?” Milk shakes never even become part of a home-based birthday party or family grill outs. Of course, milk shakes are traditionally made with a very specialized milkshake mixer. It’s got that long spinny stick with the chopper thing at the bottom that usually contains a refrigeration agent, and it’s the perfect height to blend up whatever you choose to plop into your cocktail shaker. But, how many people can honestly say they have one of these things sitting on their counter at the house?

So, since milkshake makers are not a common household item, most of us, if we are so inclined to make a milkshake at the house, are relegated to the blender for this task. That’s what I did, thinking it would come out the same as my smoothies. It did not. It was really difficult to get the consistency of the milkshake right!  Now, to be fair, I was out of actual milk at the house and thought that almond milk would work just as well. That was stupid, I admit, even with a 1/2 cup of heavy whipping cream mixed in. Also, since I wanted a really malty malted milk shake, I mixed a few spoon fulls of Ovaltine malted chocolate milk into the milk concoction, and maybe that did something weird too. Whatever it was that I did wrong, it caused me to have to add in my entire remaining half-gallon of Whopper flavored ice cream just to get the thing unwatery.

Now, mind you, the flavor was amazing! So chocolate malty! My daughter declared it was the best chocolate shake she ever had, and she’s had Wendy’s, McDonald’s and Rally’s ones, so I consider that high praise. But you know, at 130 calories per serving, and there only being 12 servings per container, my math comes to these things only being about 300 calories each. It felt like 1200, but it must not have been that bad. DAMMIT! And hat was the reason I was attributing to why my pants were tight today.

See you Friday for National Cream Filled Donut Day!

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About Jim Clark

"If it was worth doing, then it is worth writing!" -- Jim Clark -- Someone else probably said that before, and I'm sure that each semester she starts her Creative Writing 101 class by writing it on the board, but I never took that lady's class so I am taking her quote! I work in the world of advertising, but I write for a living. Here in the second decade of the '00s, we find ourselves in a culture where virtually everyone writes for a living. With all the clicking and clacking on Facebook, Twitter, emails and texts, our lives are more than ever intertwined with writing. At the same time, it's also become increasingly more important to shorten our thoughts down to as few characters as possible. So, now, more than ever, I think it's also important to hold a place in our lives for expanding and honing our thoughts through writing. This is my place for that.
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