Happy National Pizza With Everything (except anchovies) Day! (11/12)

Poor anchovies. What is it about those little guys that everyone hates so much? Is it the fishiness? The saltiness? The little mini bones that are still in there? Ok, well, maybe I get it now that I put it like that. Still, I’ve never really minded the little guys. They don’t come up too often, but I like a few on my caesar salad, and I don’t mind them on a slice of pizza. Mind you, I never order them on my pizza, but I don’t mind them. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s kind of a shame that if we’re going to pretend that there’s a whole day that is in celebration of a pizza with “everything,” that we exclude this poor dejected tiny fish. Still, the commitement was to eat everything on “The List,” and this particular item on The List says “no anchovies.” It’s a cop-out, but alright.

Really, the most distracting flavor on a slice of pizza with everything is pepperoni. pepperoni is not a complimentary food, it’s excessively dominant, like bacon. Bacon and pepperonni are two foods that I love by themselves. In fact, when a slice of pizza comes with pepperoni, I typically eat them off first. I do love them. They’re just too distracting on a pizza. Most sausages are pretty distracting too, actually. Huh, maybe it’s a pork thing? It could be a pork thing.

My original plan for a slice with everything was to go to MoMo’s, a local place that serves “slices as big as your head.” It’s pretty good pie, but the novelty of the size does tend to skew perspective. An extra-large pie from MoMo’s requires an SUV to bring home for delivery. That’s not an exaggeration. The thing is, however, that today is Veteran’s Day (observed). “Observed!” You gotta love that. Sunday was really Veterans Day, but the government and banks need an excuse to take the day off, so if a holiday falls on a weekend, they declare the next work day to be the “observed” day. What’s the saying? Good enough for Government work? The result of course, is that I’m a full service Daddy on a week day because the schools are closed and only one of us should have to take a vacation day.

So, what wound up happening was, while I was at Costco, buying another gigantic box of diapers, I decided to wander over to their little lunch line because I knew they had pizza, although I’ve never considered it an option.
SIDEBAR: You can’t go to Costco with a baby without someone asking you what aisle did you find the baby in. It’s funny… everytime… 

One Slice Left!

Sure enough, they’ve got themselves a slice with everything except anchovies! They call it a “Combo.” So, here’s the problem with stopping and taking pictures of things. As I’m snapping this shot, a woman steps up and looks in the glass, probably thinks to herself, “Look at this moron. Great status update, genius!” and then asks the counter worker, “What is that slice there with all the peppers and things on it.” Yep, she buys it. And, “Dad Gummit!” I yell in my head.

Here’s the thing about the last slice, though. It’s the only way to get to the fresh first slice. You got that straight! I got the fresh slice. As I strolled out, eating my fresh pizza with everything except anchovies, I passed the woman eating the heat lamp warmed slice. I looked at her with a face that said, “Enjoy that last old stale slice, lady!” Later I realized that her face had read, “Hope you enjoyed your 5-minute wait while I sat here eating my delicious slice of pizza, sucker!” I wished her a Happy National Pizza With Everything Except Anchovies Day, as I passed.

See you Tuesday for National Indian Pudding Day!


About Jim Clark

"If it was worth doing, then it is worth writing!" -- Jim Clark -- Someone else probably said that before, and I'm sure that each semester she starts her Creative Writing 101 class by writing it on the board, but I never took that lady's class so I am taking her quote! I work in the world of advertising, but I write for a living. Here in the second decade of the '00s, we find ourselves in a culture where virtually everyone writes for a living. With all the clicking and clacking on Facebook, Twitter, emails and texts, our lives are more than ever intertwined with writing. At the same time, it's also become increasingly more important to shorten our thoughts down to as few characters as possible. So, now, more than ever, I think it's also important to hold a place in our lives for expanding and honing our thoughts through writing. This is my place for that.
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